I have 1 and 1 but can't seem to end up with two.

Late post due to a late movie showing.

Ukemi is something i have trouble with. Sometimes i fall right and don't realize it because i feel awkward, and sometime i fall wrong and feel awkward because i (and i'm sure everyone else) realized i fell wrong. It doesn't help when i draw attention to the latter. I was looking forward to the extra ukemi practice but along the way tonight in class i began hitting some major frustration walls. Frustration is something i'm dealing with a lot lately and i hate having it pop up in aikido but the moments where i'm not exactly catching on immediately makes it worse. Afterwards on the ride home i get the chance to reflect on what worked and what i did wrong and what Pat was trying get me to understand.

A major part of my learning of aikido is trying to remind myself of a few points:

1) I'll get better or understand it given enough time so ease up.
2) -=insert technique=- may not have been as bad as i think.
3) everyone else is learning too, maybe not the same thing, but something.

I'm positive that there are more but that's all i can squeeze out of the rock at the moment.

To get back on track, though the execution might not have shown it i did come away from tonight's ukemi practice a little wiser. On my forward falls i'm sorta blank as to a specific thing (other than more practice needed) but on my backward rolls i definatley walked away with something to noodle over. Pat got me to rock back and forth with my knees curled up to my chest and then over my shoulder, so the theory stands that if i start flat on my back then curl up then extend over i should be able to pull them off. Atleast i think so.

That was really the main thing i had in my head tonight. I stumbled through tegatana and hanasu and tonight's chain but i'm writing it off to the after effects of disease wether it's a wuss plea or not. lol. Another thing i have to work with is slowing down and/or keeping the same pace. Most of the night's "toe-stop taoshi" exercises would have worked out better had i not rushed. I have a decent sense of where uke's foot will be but tonight i was caught up in " gotta put my foot down" mode and jumped the gun more often than not.

Overall i so don't feel competent enough to be a green belt, much less a 3rd degree brown which should be right around the corner. Will i ever feel competent in relation to rank? I think i'll be the dumbest feeling black belt ever when that rolls around. And yet, oddly enough, the way my aikido training seems to make everything else but my aikido fall in place nicely is something i wouldn't trade.